The Devil's Food Dictionary

[Zazzy]

The Devil's Food Dictionary

This is easily the funniest site I've seen in a long time - though perhaps only foodies will truely appreciate it.

6 February 2007

cooking  The intentional preparation of edible substances for human consumption. Dictionary definitions usually link cooking with the use of heat, but this is misleading: A cook is likely to prepare many dishes that require no "cooking." Indeed, a cook who would cook a dish such as sashimi, coleslaw, or trail mix would be considered a bad cook. Conversely, a rabbit that accidentally fell into a campfire could end up cooked, without anyone having cooked it! Such distinctions are a source of endless fascination for gourmets. All known human cuisines can be seen as variations on three basic approaches, namely, French cooking, Chinese cooking, and Indian cooking. The three are reducible to the following formulas:

FRENCH COOKING: Fry a thing in butter in a pan. Remove it and set it aside on a warm platter. Add wine to the hot pan and boil, stirring, to thicken. Swirl an additional stick of butter into the reduced liquid, and pour the liquid over the fried thing. Serve with potatoes and wine; eat with silverware.

CHINESE COOKING: Cut a variety of colorful things into small pieces. Heat a large quantity of oil in a wok over high heat. Add the cut-up things and stir frantically. Add cornstarch solution, stir again, and remove from the heat just before the colors fade. Serve with rice and tea; eat with chopsticks.

INDIAN COOKING: Heat one cup ghee in a pan. Add one cup chopped onions, one cup chopped garlic, one cup chopped vegetables and/or meat, and one cup spices. Cook gently until liquefied. Serve with rice or bread and yogurt; eat with fingers.

Given the nearly limitless number of possible permutations and combinations of these cooking styles, it is easy to see why food writers deserve far higher wages than they are currently being paid.

[Zazzy]

celery A crisp, green vegetable that grows as a cluster of parallel stalks with a common root. In America, celery often makes an appearance at parties, with the stalks' concave centers filled with cream cheese. Prepared this way, celery is said to taste much like cream cheese. The French braise celery in meat stock, but that doesn't help much either. The most appealing use of this vegetable is as an aromatic in a classic Italian tomato sauce. However, a typical batch of sauce requires only half a cup of chopped celery, so home cooks are advised to pull off a single stalk, conceal it down the leg of their pants, and walk in a natural, relaxed manner out of the grocery store, without looking to the left or right.

[Pina]

LOL...........

[DragonLady]

comfort food   1) Any type of food that you would prefer your friends did not see you enjoy; 2) the fortifying, familiar, and satisfying
fare that killed your grandparents. Note: Comfort food's opposite, discomfort food, is outlawed by the Geneva Conventions.

love it!!!