Is this "vintage bag" okay to give for Christmas??

[sdBev]

..and I wouldn't worry about hurting their feelings, after all they don't have any problems hurting yours. 

Also, over the years I've received comments about "how much you're saving" and "how much cheaper it is to sew your own clothes" .  People are pretty shocked when I tell them I don't save a dime, often my sewing costs twice the price a similar garment could be purchased from a discount store.  I am repeatedly telling others, "if what you want is cheap or to minimize your out-of pocket costs, buy from Walmart.  My home constructed garments costs twice what Walmart will ask".  They're always surprised.  I start enumerating the costs of zipper, thread, fabric, pattern, and notions and they are stunned.  People think because you made it yourself that you have saved the cost of labor.  They really don't realize that the cost of materials exceeds the cost of a comparable item at Walmart.   That being said, the quality of the items I sew far, far exceeds the quality and fit of anything that can be purchased from Wally world.  So in addition to the satisfaction and creative aspects of sewing for myself I also know I have a very high quality garment, because I MADE IT!

[Loomchick]

OK, i have to vent...I made flecce pullovers for my nieces for Xmas. 

Vent???!!!  How ungrateful!  Geez. if something like that happened to me I would be doing more than vent!   

[andib]

Ok, Now I feel better...I thought maybe I was over reacting.  My DH said maybe he may have said something to his sister about fixing them if they don't work, but her was thinking sleeve hemming!  Martha, I like your idea of splitting the side seam.  I have enough of the scraps that I could do that!  They were serged up the sides..Hmmm you have given me a way to make lemonaide!  Thanks!

[Karendee]

I agree with Judith and her approach. I certainly would not remake/resend additional presents. This SIL needs to take a course in appreciation, manners, and receiving gifts.  To me it is not the giver's job to redo, return, or remake a gift. For purchased items, I include the gift receipt and it is up to the recipient to do with the gift as he/she wishes. This is probably the main reason that I give mostly money for my Christmas gifts to the children/young adults in my family. Boring I know, but no one returns it. LOL.

Karen

[fzxdoc]

Well, if your DH made an offer for you to make alterations, then I guess it's up to you to decide the best way to handle it.  I like Martha's suggestion too.  After all, it's what you would do for your own kids if you had made them something that needed to be a bit larger. 

I agree with Vivian, it's the message that the girls are taking away from this scenario that is the worst part of it.  They should be learning the value gifts handmade by someone who loves them. 

I hope you get it worked out the best way for you, andib.  After all, you're the one who did all the work in the first place and still will have to pay to have them shipped again.

Kathryn

[Karendee]

I must have missed the point about DH offered for you to make replacement/corrections. I must need reading lessons. If that is the case, I'd add additional side panels are suggested by Martha. I'd certainly not make new jackets. I'm sorry about this situation; it is sad for all of you.

Karen

[andib]

I don't know what my DH said, but I am sure he wasn't trying to make it harder for me.  I am going to chalk it up to experience, fix the jackets (thanks Martha!) and then send them surface mail.  I definitely won't sew again for them.  Maybe when they are older.

[LauraS.]

Andib, I'll also voice that your SIL is ungrateful.  If you are going to "fix" the pullovers, I'd take my sweet time on it. And she can pick them up the next time she comes into town.  Me?  I wouldn't do a thing.  It would not matter if my DH had said I'd fix it.  The tops would be passed on to someone else or land in my give away bin.  I seriously doubt if she will ever ask about them and if she did, I'd just tell her the truth, I'm working on something else. 

laura

[stashpanache]

Andib, This is disgusting.  I am with Martha.  I would "fix" them alright.   How about contrasting godets, starting at the armscye and  about 3 feet wide on each side at the hem.

Seriously, Judith and Karen, I mostly agree with you.  But, sometimes people have leverage....for instance, a DGD?  So, you either let them take advantage or pay the consequences.

Stash

[judith]

I'm going to change my mind (I can do that, I have a lot of practice). It sounds to me that perhaps your DH, with all good intentions, may have caused this problem. If the SIL doesn't sew, she may very well have no idea at all about how she is iimposing on you, and if she was encouraged to return the items for adjustment, she may not be as bad as we're painting her to be.

I've often experienced the innocent "you sew, don't you" assumptions of non sewing friends, who figure what the heck this is my hobby and I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to offer me another project.

Perhaps it would be kinder to explain the realities to your SIL, and ask your husband not to make such offers in the future?

[Karendee]

I hate to "keep fanning the fire" but I still find this SIL unbelievable. Even if the kids had not liked the fit, they should have been satisfied with the gift. It was never in our pattern of behavior to even question if we liked a gift; of course we liked the gift. It was a gift afterall. That was also the way we have raised our son. I do feel sorry for these children, but you just can't "order up" a perfect gift from people, IMO. You have to be genuinely appreciative of the whatever comes your way.

Stash, I feel your pain about withholding time etc. with DGC. I know that can certainly change things.

Karen

[andib]

My DH did apologize...I am sure it was one of those things that slipped out.  My DD was VERY surprised, and said she would never do something like that.  She has just learned how to knit,so she knows how much work goes into it.  I will fix them, and I will send them, as they live 3000miles away.  She is not all bad, but she and I just don't communicate well, and neither my DH nor I fully understand what motivates his sisters.  I think his mother couldn't understand how her girls turned out to be so different.  I got along famously with my MIL until her recent passing.  I really believe in taking the high road... I will fix them, and then I will not put a lot of effort into their gifts.

[Liana]

  I really believe in taking the high road... I will fix them, and then I will not put a lot of effort into their gifts.

Much as it would probably be satisfying to just throw them in the corner, I think you're wise in taking the high road.  You'll always know that you did the right thing anyway, and that can be comforting forever.  But, I think you are extremely wise to not put much effort into future gifts for the girls.  It sounds like a road to frustration at the least.  You're a very good aunt, whether they know it or not at this point. 

[karent]

  I really believe in taking the high road... I will fix them, and then I will not put a lot of effort into their gifts.

Much as it would probably be satisfying to just throw them in the corner, I think you're wise in taking the high road.  You'll always know that you did the right thing anyway, and that can be comforting forever.  But, I think you are extremely wise to not put much effort into future gifts for the girls.  It sounds like a road to frustration at the least.  You're a very good aunt, whether they know it or not at this point. 

I agree.  I hate to admit I am often "glad" to hear that other people have sorry relatives as well.  I too have nieces and nephews I think a lot more of than their parents.  The children should not have to pay for their parents' poor manners.  I would also take the "high road," fix them the way you would have done for your own kids, and leave it at that.  If it is ever mentioned again (particularly if she is not satisfied with the fix) simply explain that with the seam finishing and the amount of work you put into the original garment, it was very difficult to do a suitable alteration.  Take this as a learning experience, and don't ever waste your time and energy on making them gifts again.  Don't put it on a back burner, because it will glare at you and make your life miserable.  Fix the jackets as quickly and simply as possible and make your DH take them to the post office so he will remember what he inadvertantly did.  Tell yourself that your nieces have one hand made garment, made with love, thanks to you.  Sounds like that may be all they ever get.  K

[bessiecrocker]

IMO, you are up for sainthood for redoing those unappreciated gifts...congratulate yourself and remind yourself never to never do it again. I think the chances that those kids will ever actually wear those jackets are very small...their mom will probably find some new reason why the reworked gifts aren't quite right! But you deserve credit for trying.

Since it's not my family situation, I can't say what I would do in this situation...but looking at it from the outside, here's what comes to mind: I'd give those jackets to a children's aid organization and send the kids (and their mother, who totally has no manners) a nice letter saying that you have donated the jackets to a worthy cause, in their honor and knowing that they would wish for less fortunate (and, leaving unsaid, less picky!) children to have a warm and happy Holiday season!

I have other "issues" in my family...I live in a culture that assumes you WILL give only hand made objects. Hah! My SIL always comments to me about everything: "Did you make it yourself?" Like if I didn't, it's a piece of cr*p. I have learned to answer, "I made it happen, myself." She is really obnoxious, especially as her favorite gift item is money and her family holiday meals are catered.

My belief is that it's the "givers" task to offer whatever they can that best expresses their feelings of warmth and thoughtfulness, regardless of price. The "receivers" job is to accept the gift with warmth and gratitude; after that they can use the gift any way they want, it belongs to them.

I'm going to check out the purse patterns, to make for myself. If I go to the effort to make something, my favorite recipient is ME! Call me Scrooge.

[stashpanache]

What I sew for family is out of love.  The only one of them that has ever sewn is one of my DDIL's.  She has a clue about what it takes to make things fit (and is therefore very cooperative about fittings) and also knows what it takes to produce something that does not have that "homemade" look.  By that, I mean things that are done well.  So, if I make something for someone and it is not appreciated it really takes the fun out of it for me.  I would say one of my strengths is being able to choose things for other people that they like....I am able to put myself in their place and have a memory for little details.  I file away information for future use.  If somebody mentions their favorite color or a favorite style or whatever....I remember.  I have one family member that thinks less of something if it is handmade and doesn't come from Nordstroms or Magnins.   I rarely sew for that one.

[KathrynT]

Hmmmm... SIL's - some of them are saints and others...aren't.   Andib, I think yours takes the cake!  (Regardless of what hubby did or did not say.)

I have 6 SILs.  One of them likes to announce proudly after Christmas "I managed to re-gift every present."  Because of the large family we don't exchange gifts so mine isn't one of the gifts she has "re-gifted", but I'm still offended.  I know it's not a bad idea for some gifts, but I think she should keep it private.  She seems to overlook the love that people are giving with the gifts.

[stashpanache]

"I managed to re-gift every present."

How Crass!