Aaaauuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh! Love him, hate him, but don't let him do the laundry

[Gorgeous Things]

Let me say that I love my husband.  BUT... He did the laundry.

He did the laundry and he washed my HotPatterns Patchouli dress. Green silk velvet.
He dried it too,  on Permanent Press setting.

I'm taking lots of deep, calming breaths, but IT'SNOTWOKRINGIWANTTOTAKEALENGTHOFSILVELVETAND....  !!!!

Okay, I'm better now.  I got that out of my system.  No, you won't have to call the cops.  But, that was my favorite dress.  It was my singing security blanket.  I just did a blog post that asked the question, "Do you make garments and then never wear them?"  This got worn, lots.  And now it has shrunk enough to fit my 13 year old niece.

So, anyone else ever have this happen?  How did you handle it?

Ann

[QueenBee]

Oh Ann!!!! I truly feel your pain. Yes, about 20 years ago, a now former boyfriend was *kind* enough to wash an expensive, beloved cashmere & angora knit top with his work jeans and plaid flannel shirts. You know, the kind that bleed? The kind you dry on high heat? Well, his 4 year old niece looked really cute in it. And it fit her rather nicely.

Gee, I haven't seen him in about 20 years.

So sorry about your beloved dress. That man is so lucky that you love him so much.

Rene Marie

[Marji]

Oh yes, I feel your pain.
So sorry this happened to you.
Back in 1977, on our honeymoon to Toronto with my first husband, I bought a beautiful piece of silk twill. Chocolate brown with a silvery taupe print on it. My dh was with me when I bought it, the only time then or since that he was with me to purchase fabric. I went home and made a Nina Ricci pattern (Vogue) dress (which I still have the pattern in my stash), lots of work and fine workmanship in that dress, and it was the classiest thing I'd ever owned to date.

dh washed it with Tide, and dried it in the dryer the first time after I'd worn it. He thought he was being helpful. I was so upset but didn't want to make him feel bad....
so, I know how you feel. You want to scream at him, but just can't.

[VWelsh]

Been there! It was early in our marriage and was the worst fight we have ever had and he hasn't done laundry since. (He does do lots of other chores - like all of the cooking). We survived it and are celebrating out 19th anniversary today!

[mardel]

Happy Anniversary Vicki!

And Ann, how horrible!  It has happened to me too, and he was just trying to help (but why don't they ever ask how to do things?) And why does it always seem to happen to some beloved thing, not something that we secretely wish would disappear and stop reminding us of how much effort/money/grief went into its making?  Sympathies, and I am glad you are able to vent a little too.

[Learn to Sew]

A HUGE, very expensive fabric shoppig trip seems to be in your near future! Say in Paris, for example. Well, it had better be. He owes you big time.

The dress was lovely. You looked so cute in it too. Did it have any kind of label in it, and did he even *look* at it if it did?  

You might have to Educate this man on what of your sewing stuff to not wash. Maybe you should limit him to towlels and undies, unless you think he might turn your undies pink or something. Or blue, or purple...

Carol

[LindaE]

Ann,
I feel your pain..  I can't remember a time when DH did the laundry.
 
I guess this gives you and excuse to buy more of the silk velvet and make another dress.   


Maybe several pieces of fabric to easy you pain..   

[girl_in_bleue]

When we first started living together DH took over laundry duties. We had to walk to a laundrymat so he'd carry all the stuff over and get the machines started, then I'd meet him later for coffee and folding. He was good about separating lights and darks. But he consistantly threw my clothes in with all his muddy, dirty mountain bike clothes! My clothes would come out dirtier than they went in. I quickly placed a ban on putting muddy and/or wet clothes in the same hamper as the rest of the laundry. He was used to washing his military uniform (the camos, not the dress) and mountain bike clothes. It never occured to him there were different kinds of dirty laundry. My white t-shirts were for casual Friday at work. His were for dirty, sweaty boy stuff. He has since figured it out--now that he wears crisp white shirts for work and doesn't want them ruined.

[fzxdoc]

My favorite laundry man story was told by a friend of mine (male) who went into the laundry room one day (his wife was out running errands), only to be stopped by his 4 year old son who said, in that warning tone of voice, "Dad, you know you're not supposed to be in here..."  Cracks me up every time I think of it! 

Kathryn

[Patti]

Kathryn, what a wise little boy--his future girlfriends/wife will be glad his mother taught him so well.

Oh, Ann, that was a beautiful dress--the fabric looked like heaven, and the color was gorgeous on you! if a trip to Paris isn't in the offing, surely a call to Kashi at Metro is in order--

I never allowed any helpers in the laundry arena. When they were a certain age I did teach my daughters how to do their own laundry, but kept mine separate.

patti

[judic]

When DH came to this country, he was home, while I was working. He asked me to show him how to use the washer, so i did.  Then I saw how he 'sorts' things - well, just say, he doesn't.  So I told him specifically that he should not ever, ever, ever touch anything in that room.  I did specifically tell him that I did not want the kitchen towels or the bath towels washed with his jeans.  So he stopped doing that part of the laundry too. (besides, he won't fold them to fit in the drawers.)
Now that I'm retired, I do nearly all the laundry. He'll do the odd load of his jeans sometimes, but not often. 

Had some good 'memory' times though thinking about 'Laundry 101'.  I taught my kids very early to do their laundry. [I got tired of washing clean clothes that they were too lazy to put into drawers] and the boys ended up with some 'pastel colored' underwear.  They learned.   

[Lisa Laree]

Um, does he *know* he ruined the dress?  Or have you managed to hide that detail from him?

DH seems to have completely forgotten how to do laundry (he was nearly 26 when we married and had been doing his own laundry since he was a teenager).  But that's ok with me...I've completely forgotten how to start a lawnmower

[Karla]

OMG, Ann.  That was a great dress.  He was a nice guy, too.   Too bad about both of them.   

ETA  I think you should schedule an immediate trip to NYC to see Kashi and get some more of that silk velvet.  None of this "call him up and see what he's got" stuff.  A trip.  Lunch at Aureole.  Evening at Lincoln Center.  Nice room at an expensive hotel (any place  in NYC will make that cut.)

[Liana]

Ann, I'm so sorry!   He definitely owes you some kind of penalty.  You'll have to negotiate it between you of course, but I think we all have faith in your ability to at least extract some suitable fabric from this event.

DH never does laundry, which is fine with me.  I don't think he ever has done any.  He always took it to a laundry, and when we built a house when we got together, I mentioned the laundry room, and he couldn't understand why we needed one.  We got a washer and dryer of course, but about a year later he told me that he was really amazed that I used them.  He thought I would have them and not use them, I guess.  I hate having anyone else do my clothes.  I want them the way I want them.  Also, I think doing the laundry is kind of relaxing, and it's a very satisfying accomplishment.  I've made almost all of my clothes and most of his shirts, so it's a little like taking care of old friends.

A friend told me that her sister likes doing the laundry, and that if things in her life were going badly, she would always go do a load or two.  She asked her why, and she said that at least she knew she could do that right.  Some days any comfort is welcome.

[karent]

Oh, man, I think we all have stories to tell.  I had a bf once who decided to help with laundry while I was in class.  He knew not to get into my clothing, but he thought he'd be nice and do the sheets/towels/blankets.  He also tossed in the wool knitted shell afghan that my great aunt made, that lay on the sofa.  Boiled it in the washer, then fried it in the dryer.  I now have a lovely very tightly knitted lap robe.  Needless to say, I haven't seen him in about twenty years.

Ann, the guy is lucky you love him so much.  Many a relationship has been derailed by laundry.  My own mother and I can't face each other in a laundry room, after we went on vacation and she politely shrank my favorite bra in hot water and dryer.  That little boy knew what he was talking about!  K

[BetsyV]

Ann

I am so sorry about your laundry disaster. Personally, I have always kept my handwash or dry-clean only things separate from the rest of my laundry, even when I lived alone. Just a pre-sorting habit I keep up by having 4 baskets going near the washer - lights, darks, bleach, delicates.

I hate having anyone else do my clothes.  I want them the way I want them.  Also, I think doing the laundry is kind of relaxing ...

A friend told me that her sister likes doing the laundry, and that if things in her life were going badly, she would always go do a load or two.  She asked her why, and she said that at least she knew she could do that right.  Some days any comfort is welcome.

Liana - right on both counts. I can't stand anyone else doing my laundry either. I started doing my own at boarding school, I was 12. When I came home on break, I did my own laundry. If mom did it, she stole my knee socks. I put an end to THAT pretty quickly. Now, my excuse to my DMIL when she says "I'll do it Monday; don't spend your weekend doing laundry." is that I need my gym clothes done so I might as well do all of it. (some are darks, some lights, I do the sports bras on the gentle cycle). Since my sewing corner is near the washer/dryer, I do laundry while sewing on Saturday and Sunday. It works for me. No kids, so once a week is enough.

ETA: I work for a psychopath, so some weeks accomplishing the laundry is my only step forward. 

[Gorgeous Things]

Thank you so much.  You're all so wonderful, that's why I didnt' mind posting here.  Larry (DH) meant well, and he felt terrible, b/c he knew it's my favorite dress.   I bought me flowers from him.  And he's been wonderful.  He knew it was a really sad thing.  But hey, it's just clothing.  It's not like a pet or family member. 

Karla, want to meet in NYC next month to replace the fabric?  In fact, heck, let's open it up to all.  Anyone want to haunt the NYC haunts with me in March?

Any port in a storm, right?
MMMMMWAH!
Ann

[BetsyV]

Oh March is better for me actually. I already scheduled days off the 13-16th to use some days up. The plan was to "de-materialize" and get rid of some stuff via Craigslist or eBay or something but I might be able to make a quick trip to NYC work.

I'll keep checking here or PM me if you start pinning down a date. Yay!

[Elona]

How awful for both of you.  You, because only you know how much work and love really went into that beautiful silk velvet dress, and your dh, because his effort to do a Good Thing went awry.  It sounds as though you have a healthy relationship that's not endangered by a laundry disaster, but still, encourage him if he makes an effort to atone with a trip, dinner, whatever!

My dh is pretty good about washing things.  He doesn't really get all the nuances, like whites vs colors, but he does know how to sew a bit, and time has taught him caution, so I'm fairly sure he'd pause and call me if something like velvet fell into his hands.

I taught our son to do his own laundry when he was eight, and  now, in his young maturity, that guy knows his way around a laundry room (after a few lapsed years of unfettered bachelorhood).  Sometimes, I come across him carefully folding his girlfriend's tees or stacking her undies.  It's sweet.

[Carole]

I guess we all have laundry stories.  I finally remarried when we were both in our 50's and had been single many, many years.  We didn't even have to discuss the laundry thing.  I do mine, he does his.  He irons his jeans, I don't.  He is actually more meticulous than I am about laundry, but I still don't trust him with my things.

[Terri K]

My husband is not allowed to touch any article of my clothing when it comes to laundry.   He's the "laundry man" and even likes to hang things out on the line to dry..  and I thought I had trained him - colors, temperatures, and so on.  BUT when one of my favorite , nicest, softest , not to mention expensive, wool boucle sweaters got mixed in with some casual stuff after a family trip and was washed in warm water with jeans and dried (i.e. felted), then presented to me in Barbie Doll size with a  "Is this yours?" .... But it was in the pile with the dark things...  I removed that from his "job description". 

[Karrol]

I had a beautiful Chinese silk Cheongsham jacket (imported) that ended up in the "former" helpful-laundry-man's load. Yeah, it was tinier than any child I know. I made potpourri sachet bags out of it. DD just recently shrunk a beautiful angora wrap sweater (hers) that now fits her build-a-bear. 
I taught DD to do her own laundry, and she is knows to do her own and not touch mine. I'd rather do it myself. So if I ruin it, I can't blame anyone but ME!!!!

Gorgeous, you're right tho', it's only clothing. Perspective is a wonderful thing, yes?

[Martha Domke]

I'm not really sure what got mixed into a load of DH's undies one time, but he ended up with pink socks and shorts.  And what did he have on the night he went to the ER having a heart attack?  Yep, his pink socks.  Not only were they pink, there were large holes in the toes.  One of the first things he had to do when he got there, was take off his shirt and his shoes.  He was the talk of the ER.     One thing it did was to take the edge off the seriousness of the evening.

[DragonLady]

At our house, I'm usually the one who messes up the laundry.    I'm always trying to do laundry while distracted with a dozen other things -have been since high school.  But two incidents stick out:

When I was about seventeen, I used to  "multi-task" by doing my homework sitting cross-legged on the machine while my clothes washed.  No problem for the clothes, but once I wasn't paying attention, and a tiny kitten I had bottle-fed from birth climbed into the dryer and I killed it.    Worse, when it happened, I became so hysterical I started laughing.  I laughed for an hour, completely unable to quit, while everyone around me thought I was some kind of witch.  I've never been able to explain that -I loved the kitten, and have never really forgiven myself for not noticing it crawl in there.  Now, I'm paranoid about keeping animals out of the laundry room.  I'm always hearing it from my kids -"Yes, Mother, we know all about checking for all the cats before we turn on the dryer or the dishwasher or the oven...."  I guess I've lectured them a few too many times, but I just can't tell you how I felt to find that beautiful little kitty dead.

Second, about three years ago I washed DH's California king-sized wool blanket.  It was his pride and joy, and I was always careful to wash it on the most "delicate" cycle with Woolite and keep it flat 'till mostly dry, then hang it in the bathroom.  But, on this occasion I got distracted again, and after it was washed I threw it in the dryer without a second thought.    Yep, it's smaller than twin size now, and I wasn't sure either I or our marriage would survive.    But, DH showed remarkable restraint and limited himself to bellowing a bit -and insisting I owed him, Big Time.  I think I've finally worked off most of the debt, but haven't asked, for fear he doesn't see it that way. 

[Karla]

Karla, want to meet in NYC next month to replace the fabric?

  I'd love to, but....  I'm going in May and I don't think the budget can take two hits so close together.  However, I will eagerly await the report about what's available.  After all, a phone call to Kashi isn't expensive....unless I order something. 

[RobbieJo]

My hubby does the laundry, all the housework, infact and most of the cooking.  Not because I'm high maintenance but because he is semi-retired and he doesn't like the way I do it.  We do have separate laundry baskets and he is not supposed to wash the delicates I put in mine.

He taught the girls how to do laundry and how to fold T-shirts "like in the store."  When DD#1 was an RA at James Madison she would do a class every semester for the freshmen on how to do laundry....

[Laurie H]

I'm sorry so many of you have had such terrible experiences.  I have never allowed DH near my washer or dryer unless there was a mechanical problem with one.  He's handy that way, but I refuse to let him wash anything except his own filthy woods clothes.  He'll ask me to wash them on Sunday night and if he's foolish enough to ask that late, he can do them himself.

I taught both DD and DS how to do laundry when they were teens and they did their own, but not mine.  Just never trusted them either because they had their own way of doing things and it wasn't my way.  I don't like doing laundry, but since it has to be done, I want it done right.  It's not like it really takes that long to do either, just one of those boring tasks.

DH does so many other things around the place, I figure doing the laundry is nothing.  I don't have to worry about ruined clothes or messed up machines and we're both happy.

[LindaF]

Okay guys, go ahead and throw the virtual bricks my way...But....

DH does all the laundry here.  I am the one that is all dumb in the laundry room.  Ask me about the time all the towels came out pink.  I can't remember what I threw in there with them...

I do wash all my fabric myself and DH knows to ask if something does not scream cotton to him. 

I just never got the hang of laundry.  Thank goodness I learned to cook.  When I got engaged my mother took me into the kitchen and showed me the stove and told me this is where food gets cooked and then she showed me the fridge and said this is where food is stored to keep cool.  Now I wasn't that stupid in the kitchen, but her point was well taken.  Domesticity was not my thing back then....except for sewing.

I guess hubby wanted his clothes to look better than what I could do, so he took it over. I do know that in my circle of friends my DH is the envy of them all, just for this one reason.
Linda

[girl_in_bleue]

what did he have on the night he went to the ER having a heart attack?  Yep, his pink socks.  Not only were they pink, there were large holes in the toes.  One of the first things he had to do when he got there, was take off his shirt and his shoes.  He was the talk of the ER.

That's so funny. One of the many little tidbits of wisdom my great-grandmother would recite was never wear underwear or socks with holes in them because you never know when you'll have a medical emergency and someone would see them.

[mardel]

Well, DH does do some of the laundry although it is not expected.  He does some of the whites, and he has decided he likes to wash and iron his shirts and he can hang out and talk to me.  But when he ventures on to other things accidents have been known to happen.  Of course accidents happen even when one would think they shouldn't.  There was the time he washed a new blue Brooks Brother's shirt with a couple of other new shirts, they were all white and blue, and everything turned out with a pink cast. There was absolutely nothing remotely pink in that load of wash when it started.  We blame the Brook's Brother's shirt because it turned out a very different, much lighter shade of blue, and everything else had a pink cast.  Now DH uses those color catcher thingys when he washes his new shirts.  The only thing we could figure out was that there was some issue with the dye in that lot of shirts -- one of the risks I suppose one takes when buying at the outlet mall I guess.

Anne, getting together in NYC sounds nice.

[Loomchick]

My husband rarely, if ever, does laundry . . . same for dishes . . . those are things that I do much better than he does . . . although, we did a laundry tutorial last summer when he attempted to do laundry while I was gone for over two weeks.  He wasn't aware the "cup" for the laundry detergent had a line on it to show how much to use (and I use only 1/2 the amount) . . . he filled up the entire cup with detergent . . . and had suds everywhere!

Relating to laundry, I will never forget the following image . . . at our last home, after my husband finished installing a new washer and dryer, he proudly announced he was going to do a load of laundry . . . and as I looked up I saw him disappear down the hall with a huge bottle of Clorox bleach.  I didn't stop him . . . and fortunately, he didn't ruin anything . . . I thought it was dear that he was so enthusiastic about doing laundry.

Even though he's not very good at laundry or dishes, he excels at vacuuming and moves furniture everytime he vaccuums.  Even if he didn't do that, he's still a keeper!

[stitchology]

You're a better woman than I, who has a hissy fit each time someone moves my wash from the washer to the dryer. Eventually they all learned not to turn it on and to come request that I take care of it.

DH's laundry stories are leaving all our sheets and towels at the laundromat. I started missing them a few days later, by which time someone had adopted them. Once when I was sick he proudly announced he'd done a white wash and proceeded to fold up lots of pink undies.

I think yours owes you the favor of taking over a bunch of your chores to free up sewing time while you make yourself a new special dress. All those gathers on velvet, ack.

[Karla]

I love all these stories, and you've made me feel much better about the resentment I feel everytime DH touches the washer or dryer.  Inevitably, I have to re-wash and dry everything.  How old does a man have to be before he understands that taking a pile of hot clothes out of the dryer, wadding them up and leaving them in a pile on top of the dryer doesn't count as "doing the laundry?

[stitchology]

Oh boy, I know that one. Just can't get him or the kids to understand that crushing stuff while it's hot sets the wrinkles. You pretty much have to re-wet the clothes to get those creases out.

[Martha Domke]

You all certainly have memories that will carry on for many years.

My DH does wash dishes.  He started doing that about 6 months before I had shoulder replacement surgery.  My arm was so bad I couldn't do a lot of things.  Since that time, he continues to wash dishes.  Last summer he helped by hanging clothes outside when my dryer wasn't working.  He often takes clothes from the washer and puts them in the dryer.  One day I had put his jacket in to soak.  He always gets the arms so dirty, so I figured it was due for a good soaking.  I didn't get back to washing it until much later in the day, and it was missing from the washier.  Guess who put it in the dryer???  He only laughed when I told him what he had done.