Aaaauuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh! Love him, hate him, but don't let him do the laundry

[nola]

My husband doesn't do laundry.  He unloads the dishwasher.  I never know where anything is.  Ever.   

I'm sorry your dress is ruined.  I made a nice potholder out of an $80 merino wool sweater several years ago, so I do understand. 

[susan w]

Ann, your niece gets a great new dress and so do you!  Go shopping and get some great fabric and do another dress from the TNT pattern.  Of course you"ll need accessories, shoes etc.

It's a win, win, and DH can be so proud he did the laundry...just hide anything you don't want him to wash.

Susan

[Kira]

Oh Ann, I feel your pain and anguish.  What's more, I feel them at least once a year ... my hubby does a couple loads each month.  It's a yearly guarantee that something that has fit forever WON'T once he has finished with it.

I suppose he is doing better.  He hasn't dyed anything purple in at least 2 years!

I love him because he is willing to try ...  (under breath) "he's dependable, he's dependable, he's dependable!"   

Kira


... Although, if he ruins my new, perfectly fitting, wool Garfield & Marks jacket, a head will roll!  Maybe I should copy it as soon as possible, yikes!!!

[babydoll]

my husband spent 5 years studying science at university.  4 years into our marriage he did the laundry - it was the time i had had our first child.   he called me through to look at the water pouring out of the machine.  'show me what did you did'   i asked and he showed me how he had turned the dial anti-clock wise - even though the arrows showed clearly that the dial had to go clockwise.   'why did you do that'   - 'because it is the shortest distance between 2 points'    the machine never worked again and had to be replaced at great cost at a time when we had no spare money.

 posted by ruth who has never been to university, has no degrees, but can work a washing machine and follow instructions. 

[stitchology]

It's time to educate you all in my theory of genetics. Look at the Y chromosome with three segments. Now consider the X with four segments. I think you can all identify skills that reside on that fourth segment.

[SewDisturbed]

YES YES YES....and now my brother lives with us, he dries things he shouldn't too!  The worst was a little linen, hand embroidered dress I'd made for my daughter.  He washed it and dried it and it shrunk up to doll clothes size!! I could have killed him.  I was so upset I tossed the little dress in the Goodwill bag!

He's also ruined many bras in the dryer.  They come out lumpy.  Not a good look under a t-shirt!

[judith]

Ruth - You've identified the key - it has nothing to do with what we studied at university, or if we went to university. It has to do with the ability to read instructions. Actually, it has more to do with the willingness to admit that we need to read instructions.

I am in a second marriage, this time to the sweetest person on earth, and every day for twenty years now I've been grateful that he is in my life.  But he and I agreed a long time ago that his only contribution to laudry will be to empty pockets, turn some things inside out, and deposit everything to the appropriate hamper (well, okay, he gets that wrong sometimes).

He cooks, he cleans, he's charming and handy and he picks up after himself. But he does not do laundry. Not ever. And I suspect that we will stay married for a very long time so long as we follow these guidelines.

[TDW]

Ann, send me a date in March, I'll meet you if I can.  Kashi needs us.

Sandra

[QueenBee]

You all certainly have memories that will carry on for many years.

My DH does wash dishes.  He started doing that about 6 months before I had shoulder replacement surgery.  My arm was so bad I couldn't do a lot of things.  Since that time, he continues to wash dishes.  Last summer he helped by hanging clothes outside when my dryer wasn't working. 

Mine likes to hand wash dishes, but still doesn't under stand when I get upset and tell him that handlesand the backs/outsides count also. EEwwww.....

For laundry, if he helps, he asks so many questions (gunshy, he says) that it really is little help. He does fold & put away his own, with only minor cajoling.

And in the interest of disclosure, I've ruined my share of both our clothes. The linen items put into the dryer for just a tumble or two, then forgotten. We don't even speak of the Oakland Raider shirts that somehow got a bit of bleach on them......apparently they got sorted into proximity of the bleach bottle. OOps.

Rene Marie

[rockvillage]

... And now it has shrunk enough to fit my 13 year old niece. 

So, how big is you're 13 year old niece?  About my size, perhaps? 
        


Shame.  Luckily you are so talented you will make something even better the next time 'round.

[judith]

I find it interesting when people talk about their partners "helping" with tasks.

A long time ago, when I first joined households with the person that would eventually become my husband,  I was grumbling about spending so much of my free time doing housework. He said "well, if you just let me know what to do, I'll help you".

I said "Tell you what, housework isn't rocket science. YOU do it. Tell me what you want done, and I'LL HELP YOU."

We hired a cleaning lady.

Now the cleaning lady is gone, we're empty nesters with an easy-clean house, but it's still a two person responsibility, he does his stuff, I do mine - we sort of divied things up according to who didn't mind doing what (he does not do laundry because he screws it up, I do not take the compost out because I'm lazy and tend to put it into the municipal compost pail, which is closer than our compost pile)  and we're both essentially tidy people to start with, which makes it easier. When one of us isn't up to it, or has other more pressing things to do, we do the other person's tasks, but he's never suggested "helping" again. 

[mushroomeater]

I don't how i am going to react but this one gave me a chuckle  . i mean, you can't really expect guys to do the chores right? or it will be a total disaster.

[Zoubida]

My story with DH helping with laundry ressembles lots of the ones I read here. He boiled and then fried a fine, beloved, worn only a couple of times gray silk ensemble which was so well designed I could wear it "dressed down" or "evening style". It shrank to a doll's size.

That was 14 years ago. He does the kids laundry and linen laundry (beds sheets, towels, ect) but knows to never even approach my clothing.

Then six years ago, I was sick at the hospital and my MIL came to help him with our sons and the house work. She did all my laundry, and did it very well. She's so very organized and thoughtfull, and I'm not sarcastic when I say that. She makes a special load for all the underwear which she washes in very hot water "to kill the germs and nastiness". She throwed in my Lejaby underwear with my boys and DH stuff. I almost fainted when I found out.

I'm latin, I can't help the scandal type of reaction. Usually my tantrums make them laugh (they're are the british type). But not after the laundry disasters. No, they didn't laugh at those ones.

[kitnrose]

Ooh, Dragonlady you win with the worst laundry story.  I think I'm traumatized for you!

I'm not picky about most things and tend towards easy-to-wash stuff since I don't like spending a lot of time on laundry, but I do at least have my lights and darks, cools and hot piles.  Soon after we were married DH decided to help and did laundry his way - his janitor work clothes and towels all in the same washer on hot.  So at least he knew not to put my nicer knits in there ... but my brand new white towels came out a dingy gray after hanging a while with his blue work shirts.  And a whole load NEARLY got turned pink when he decided to wash some red cheap-o poly napkins my mom gave us with some of my lighter stuff.  I noticed they weren't on the table where I'd left them and DH had just left in the direction of the laundry room... fortunately we share it with 15 or so other apartments on our floor and both washers were occupied so I could go through the pile and pull out those never-before-washed little bleeders.  DH tried the "I was just trying to help" bit and I told him if he ever helped like that (specifically, not asking if I had special instructions) then I would help him with his precious PC when he was off at classes.  He went a little white ... I'm actually quite good with computers but I take a rather unconventional approach to them that usually risks a hard drive failure or some other catastrophy.  And yet I have significantly fewer computer problems than he has ... anyway, point being, he realize that he wants more than good intentions when someone gets near his computer and I feel the same about my clothes.

I wound up drawing up a really basic grouping list of what gets washed with what at what temps (keeping it simple - light colds, dark colds, etc) and say if in doubt ask and he's actually done laundry ON HIS OWN a few times without any further traumas.  But of course not having a single silk item in my closet helps ... nothing to ruin.  One good thing about a grad school budget, I guess.    We'll see how things go in the future after school's done!

And I've got great memories of teaching my DB how to do laundry right before he went to college.  He'd grown up doing it with my mom so I figured he knew ... nope.  I introduced him to care tags and he was utterly amazed.  WHAT he thought those things scratching the back of his neck were I've got no clue.  Silly kid.  But he does laundry now, hand washes dishes, is 21, and single if anyone's interested.    And plays the bagpipes.  So there is a downside... 

[MsFunk]

I love the fact that my teenagers and SO do their own laundry.  I even let them wash the linens (just not the tablecloths). 

BUT there is a big sign hanging over the washer that says "THOU SHALT NOT WASH MOM'S CLOTHES".   Because I am taller than average, this is true for t-shirts and jeans as well as special care fabrics; nothing goes in the dryer.  ever.

[Mike]

*makes mental note to wash only my clothes*

[BeeBee]

My worst incident (and there have been many  ) was a pair of forrest green rayon slacks.  They fit great and I had a floral shirt and the jewlery that went with the outfit (give me a break, it was the 80's).  DH washed them and dried them.  With bleach.    They came out splotched, 4 sizes smaller and shredded.    We won't talk about the destroyed bras over the years or the "now fits Barbie" sweaters.  I'm still not over those pants!

[lessalt]

DH retired a few years before I did and voluntarily started doing all the errands, grocery shopping, laundry, and most all of the cooking. When I retired he said "I hope you don't mind if I continue with the laundry because I have a system." I didn't mind at all! He does a pretty great job although, if I have anything that needs special treatment I put it aside to do myself. That being said, I was shopping the other day at Marshalls and I found a pair of my favorite Jockey underpants. When I got home, I put them in the laundry hamper and haven't seen them since! DH says they are bound to show up but it has been 2 weeks - they were purple so it's not like they can sneak in the drawer. Oh well, can't complain - one pair of lost underpants is well worth it.

[Ali]

I never realised how good I have it! My husband will separate anything of mine that looks "nice" (i.e. not work clothes or house clothes), anything stretchy, or bras.

Then he washes the rest in cold water and hangs it to dry

I guess it makes up for his habit of walking in with the paper, shaking it out of the plastic wrapper, retreiving the TV Guide from the middle of the whole mess and walking away 

[IBoz]

One of the many little tidbits of wisdom my great-grandmother would recite was never wear underwear or socks with holes in them because you never know when you'll have a medical emergency and someone would see them.

That is TOO funny.  My mother used to say things like that.  In fact, one day I headed off to school with a safety pin holding up the hem of my skirt.  "Ilean Marie Theresa Freund - if you are hit by a bus wearing that skirt, I will NOT claim your body!"

I have to say that my MIL did an excellent job raising her two sons.  My DH is a full partner in all the chores involved in running a household.  He doesn't see it as helping me, since that implies it is all MY responsibility, but that since he lives here, it is also HIS responsibility.  That being said, I learned early on that he doesn't "get" the idea of delicates.  He is English and they always hung their clothes out to dry.  Dryers are not wired in his genetic code, so he doesn't understand what can/should be dried vs. what should not. 

We have three baskets in our closet...  one for darks, one for lights and whites, and one of anything I don't want him to touch.  If I put something in the other two baskets, I know I have to live with the consequences.

[BetsyV]

Ilean I laughed out loud. I was ever only called by my full name when something was seriously amiss with my behavior or appearance or if I had my nose in a book and truly did not hear my name being called for several minutes.

DH knows better than to do the laundry. I only segregate lights from darks, and my delicates. If we come in from filthy apartment or garden work, those clothes go right in by themselves. I no longer do a bleach load of white undies and athletic socks because bleach so destroys the elastic. He is fussier about stuff going in the dryer than I am, so I only put too-large t-shirts of his in the dryer. My MIL is, ummm, getting forgetful about what goes in the dryer, what doesn't, and often, whose white cotton socks are whose and t-shirts. A couple of times she has put my compression shorts for the gym in the dryer because they look like some of DH's black knit boxers. Sheesh. It's a wonder I can still get them on. So if she wants to "help" around the house by doing some laundry, I have to supervise at least the transition from washer to dryer or hanging.

Frankly, I just have an irrational need to control my laundry. I cannot stand it when anyone else touches my clothes. 

[ruthc]

Frankly, I just have an irrational need to control my laundry. I cannot stand it when anyone else touches my clothes. 

Are we all coming over a little bit OCD??

I do our laundry, I just prefer it that way.  DH can do it and I usually put aside anything I want to wash by hand, but he can't seem to get the hang of hanging laundry out flat,.  He scrunches it all up, even after a laundry masterclass.

He is an excellent cook and can weild a broom and mop when required so it all equals out.

[karent]

I am not the least bit OCD about laundry.  If anyone here would like to volunteer, I'd be happy to ship you a box per week.    K